Festivus Songs

It's a Pole

(Sung to the tune of 'Let it Snow')

Oh the Festivus party is starting,
And the guests are just arriving.
What's that thing over there?
It's a pole! It's a pole! It's a pole!

It doesn't require decorating,
Because tinsel is way too distracting.
It's unadorned and made of aluminum,
It's a pole! It's a pole! It's a pole!

Finally we air our grievances,
There's problems with all you people.
But if you really do it right,
Somebody will be sobbing tonight.

There's still more fun to unfold,
Cause it's time to pin the head of the household.
The feats of strength will happen now!
Move the pole! Move the pole! Move the pole!

 

The Festivus Song
(Grievances Aired at a Festivus Party)

(Sung to 'The Christmas Song -
Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)

Grievances aired at a Festivus Party,
Feats of strength, and a bloody nose.
Random miracles make Kramer's day,
As Festivus newcomers come and go.

Everybody knows of the pole without tinsel,
It's less distracting that way.
Let's play the tapes from Festivus past,
And embarass George til he runs away.

We all know that Frank Costanza loves this day,
No more fighting over dolls in any way.
It's every crazy fathers true delight,
To challenge his son in a weird Festivus fight!

And so we are offering you this simple day,
To people who love crazy things.
It should only be said, in one simple way,
Happy Festivus, to you!

 

Dreaming of a Happy Festivus

(Sung to the tune of White Christmas)

I'm dreaming of a Happy Festivus
Just like the ones we used to know.
Where the pole has no tinsel,
And the guests will all listen,
To hear grievances aired to one and all.

I'm dreaming of a Happy Festivus,
With every Festivus grievance that I write.
May your aluminum pole stand upright,
And may Festivus fun last all night.

May your aluminum pole stand upright,
And may Festivus fun last all night.

 

O Festivus

(To the tune of 'O Christmas Tree')

O Festivus, O Festivus,
Costanza's day, for the rest of us.

An aluminum pole, it's tinsel free,
And feats of strength, who can pin me?

O Festivus, O Festivus,
Costanza's day, for the rest of us.

No raining blows, for sake of a doll,
Just grievances, aired to one and all.

O Festivus, O Festivus,
Costanza's day, for the rest of us!

It's Festivus all Across the Land

(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Grievances aired, are you listening,
At the dinner, meatloaf is glistening.
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight.
It's Festivus all across the land.

Standing there, is an old pole,
Unadorned, it is a strong pole.
It stands straight and tall,
As we go along,
It's Festivus all across the land.

In the Living Room we can wrestle,
And try to pin the head of the house.
He'll say: Are you ready?
We'll say: No, man.
But we will do our best
To pin him down.

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we air grievances by the fire.
To face unafraid,
The gripes we have made,
It's Festivus all across the land.

 

The Twelve Days of Festivus

On the first day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
A pole that's tinsel free.

On the second day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the third day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the fourth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the fifth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the sixth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the seventh day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the eight day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the ninth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the tenth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
10 Bucks on Captain Nemo
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the eleventh day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
11 Human Fund Donations
10 Bucks on Captain Nemo
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.

On the twelfth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
12 Years on Strike
11 Human Fund Donations
10 Bucks on Captain Nemo
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.