This script can be used as a fun way to re-gift at Festivus.
The hosts of the party should inform everyone to bring a wrapped gift to “re-gift” at the party. Make sure you tell them not to buy anything, as the whole point of the game is to "re-gift" something.
As the guests arrive, have the gifts placed in a common area. When it is time for the re-gifting, have each guest select any gift from the common area and then sit in a circle. The host should read the story and accentuate the words LEFT, RIGHT and ACROSS (or CROSS).
When left is heard, the gifts are passed to the left, when right is heard they pass to the right. When across or cross is heard, the guests exchange their gifts with a person across the circle.
It was December in New York and the Seinfeld gang was getting ready for the holidays. There were gifts to re-gift and re-gift again. (The host should point at all the gifts around the room)
However, George was surprised to receive a Festivus card from his dear old Dad. Poor George! He thought that the trauma of his childhood Festivus had been LEFT behind. But here it was, RIGHT in front of him.
George looked at the card and thought, "This is not RIGHT."
The card said, "Dear son, Happy Festivus."
George was CROSS.
Elaine asked, "What’s Festivus, why so mad Georgie?"
But George didn’t want to say anything about it. So Jerry explained, “Mr. Costanza hated all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas, so he made up his own holiday. Instead of a tree his father put up an aluminum pole. And weren't there feats of strength that always LEFT you crying?”
George was upset “I can't take it anymore! Are you happy now?!” Then he gathered his things and LEFT the coffee shop.
Later, Kramer heard about Festivus and he was intrigued. After all he was down RIGHT interested in all things zany and inane. Kramer contacted Frank Costanza to inquire about Festivus. Frank was happy to oblige Kramer and gave an explanation of how Festivus was invented.
"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way!"
Kramer blurted out, “that must have been some kind of doll”. He was RIGHT!
Frank continued his story "The doll was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us!"
Now Frank was inspired. Before he LEFT, he informed Kramer that he was planning to resurrect Festivus.
He scurried off to fetch the Festivus pole from where he had LEFT it... RIGHT in the crawlspace.
Frank dragged the pole ACROSS town to the coffee shop to announce to his son George that Festivus was reborn.
When George saw the pole he was upset. George was even more upset when Frank produced a tape player from his RIGHT coat pocket.
Frank pressed play and an insane scene from a past Festivus was heard. George ran out of the cafe sobbing. Frank sighed, "We had some good times."
That very night Festivus was held. George brought his boss, Mr. Kruger along, just to prove to him how screwed up his family really was.
Jerry arrived without his girlfriend, Gwen, the "Two Face". Why was she called Two-Face? That's a story better LEFT for another time.
Elaine was also there, and she was so surprised to see that Kramer had brought along her two bookie friends from the OTB ACROSS town. Kramer declared the surprise to be a Festivus Miracle; however no miracle would help her horse, Captain Nemo, who had lost the race and apparently had been shot.
Mr. Kruger was also interested in learning more about the Festivus pole. Frank explained, "It's made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio." This LEFT Mr Kruger dumbfounded. He exclaimed that Frank's "Belief system was fascinating".
Finally, dinner was served and Frank addressed the gathering, "Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I've got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it! You, Kruger! My son tells me your company stinks!"
George moaned, "Oh, God."
Frank continued, "Quiet George, you'll get yours in a minute. Kruger, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe...” Then Frank looked confused and sputtered, "I lost my train of thought."
Everybody looked ACROSS the dining room table at each other and wondered where he may have LEFT it. Still, they were LEFT thankful that no additional grievances were aired.
Finally it was time for the Feats of Strength. Frank indicated that it was Kramer’s turn to participate, but Kramer had to go, so he LEFT.
Everybody wondered, "Who's going to do the Feats of Strength?"
Just then, Mr. Kruger recommended, "How about George?"
"Good thinking Kruger", Frank replied. Then he removed his sweater and look ACROSS the table at George.
Frank yelled out the challenge “Let’s Rumble!”
“You can take him Georgie”, Estelle Costanza, was heard to encourage her son.
As we fade away from Festivus at the Costanza household we are LEFT with the memory of George moaning “Oh, come on! Be sensible!”, and Frank goading him with "Stop crying, and fight your father!"
Now look at the gift you have in front of you. Does anyone have the same gift they brought? If it is the same gift you brought, then exchange it with the person on your LEFT.
Open your gifts one at a time. Make sure you show everybody what kind of crap you received.