Festivus 2024 represented the 27th anniversary since the Seinfeld Festivus episode aired on December 18, 1997. Since then, the yearly cacophony of Festivus grievances has risen each year, and there doesn’t seem to be a reprieve in sight. Next year will likely bring even more Festivus complaints.

In the list below, we present over one hundred Festivus grievances, great and small, collected via our website during Festivus 2024. In the Seinfeld episode “The Strike,” Frank Costanza became distracted while airing a grievance about his son’s boss. Most folks who aired grievances on our website did not lose their train of thought.

In the past years there were more complaints about Covid. This year’s complaints featured more gripes about inflation and sports.

Maybe you will find your own complaint in the list, or discover some gripes you didn’t realize you had. Yes, we moderated the submissions, as we had to weed out anything that was libelous, inflammatory, racist, hate speech, or fake news. We also ignored anything that was for or against a specific political figure or political party. Of course, we realize people have complaints, but going back and forth on politics is simply pathetic. If you have a problem with this, please send us your complaints. We just love to hear from our fans.

The numbering is not a ranking.

Automotive Annoyances

1. My Tesla broke down and it will cost as much as a new car to repair it. It was fun to drive until it turned into a giant brick. (Rodney E)
2. Full-size flags on vehicles. I don’t want to get killed Final Destination-style because some ****-nut figured some zip ties a tent pole and some duct tape was good enough to secure a spear of hatred. (Ron B in PA)
3. Aggressive men with tiny packages drive like complete aholes. (You know who)
4. My light on the dash in my car says my tire is flat but I get it checked and it’s fine. Now I have to stare at that light. It’s burning a hole in my brain. (Marcie Whalen)
5. I got a speeding ticket in a school zone when school was not in session. (Scam)
6. People driving at night with their lights off. Same people not using turn signals. Are you trying to conserve your light bulbs? (Wendy)
7. The price of gas is set by a conglomerate colluding against all citizens. They take your money and you give it willingly. So stop complaining. (Anonymous)
8. When I got a flat tire changed the people that fixed it busted the sensor. The dealership quoted me hundreds of dollars to fix it, so it will remain looking as if it’s flat. (JT)
9. People don’t want to zipper merge. Get with the times grandpa. (JE)
10. Drivers who can’t drive. They should lose their licenses, the lot of them or learn to actually drive. *gets off soapbox* (Barbara Zarah)
11. Why do you need to let us know your political/sports preference by covering your car with flags/bumper stickers? You look silly and reasonable people think you look silly (Just Jim)
12. Tesla Cybertruck looks like it was designed by an incel with a stainless steel fetish. (Anonymous)

Sports Squawks

13. How come the Utah Hockey Club does not have a name? How hard is that? I know they are waiting a year to come up with a name. When they reveal the name after waiting a year it better be good. (Anonymous)
14. Sports commentators who can’t stop using metaphors. Not a problem if they sprinkle a few in but for some every damn sentence they say has to be a metaphor. The team is based near a coast? They’re sailors, steering their ship towards a win! They’re from the southwest? They’re either thrifty or greedy to score! Really, just commentate the game instead of losing yourself in metaphors all the time. (BlaYel)
15. The Chiefs are the most fraudulent team in the NFL at 14 wins and just tick me off. (GoBills)
16. Can’t someone beat the Kansas City Chiefs? Someone needs to knock them off their high horse. (JH)
17. The Kansas City Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl again, I know it. As far as the NFL is concerned, the Chiefs are the only team that matters. It also doesn’t help that Travis Kelce is dating Taylor Swift. Boy, this is such an ego trip. (Kel Varnsen)
18. The Detroit Red Wings need to fire Derek Lalonde. I feel he’s lost the locker room. This isn’t the same Red Wings team that I watched in my youth and they haven’t been for years. (Anonymous)
19. All these pro sports leagues are becoming a joke. Case in point, the NBA just had a tournament known as the NBA Cup, which is meaningless. What was the point? And this is coming from someone who doesn’t watch basketball regularly, unless the Toronto Raptors are winning. (Anonymous)
20. They started a new kickoff in the NFL to make more kick returns but teams just kick it into the end zone for a touchback. Weak. (Anonymous)
21. Atlanta Falcons just love to beat themselves. (Anonymous)

Entertainment Expostulations

22. Isn’t it ironic that the SNL cold opening always begins with a forced laugh from the audience. (Anonymous)
23. SNL just is not trying anymore. For example, that yearly battle between news hosts is now too cringeworthy for me to watch. (Anonymous)
24. Swifties. That’s all. (Anonymous)
25. Why does Netflix have commercials? What happened? (In hell)
26. I don’t have anything against Ted Danson but a lot of his characters are irritating AF (Anonymous)
27. Why does Twisted Sister have a Christmas album because It sucks. Another reason to celebrate Festivus. (Rocky)
28. Commercials on Netflix. What am I paying for? The right to watch advertising? (Anonymous)
29. I’m annoyed with myself for finding Grissom from CSI to be cute. (Anonymous)
30. So many streaming services now and each has its own set of shows. If you want to watch a certain show you have to subscribe. You can cut cable but you can’t win. They got you. (In hell)

Festivus Flak

31. My wife wants to decorate our Festivus pole. I tell her she will reduce the strength to weight ratio. She does not believe me. She says I’m making it up. (Help)
32. Festivus poles with lights and tinsel. If you are going to have a Festivus pole, please do it right. (Festivus for the Restivus)
33. I want a singing telegram to deliver my grievances this year. I cannot find a singing telegram in my town! How hard is it for someone to start a business in a rural town so that my grievances can be set to showtunes and delivered to the recipients in the main street???? Another grievance I have is that it’s a lot of work to celebrate Festivus AND deliver my grievances. I have so many. It’s a lot of work. (Living near moo moo cows.)
34. Every year I feel more like Frank C. and I don’t want to go to the mall and shop for gifts. The traffic, and the pushy rude people just turned me off. Frank was right, there has to be a better way. (Disillusioned)
35. I got a lot of problems with you people. Now you’re gonna hear about it! Son, stop crying that life is hard. You’re just weak! You’re weak! My wife, how did you forget what Festivus is? Festivus is your heritage. It is part of who… I lost my train of thought. Serenity now! SERENITY NOW! (Not Frank Costanza)

Personal Plaints

36. My grievance is that my dad’s jokes aren’t getting any funnier. (Tinsel is too distracting)
37. For “friends and family,” if you are not making an effort to be a part of my life, why should I make an effort to be a part of yours? (Anonymous)
38. My grandma passed away this spring who was my favourite person in the world plus I have no friends left in my hometown which sucks since when I left university for the spring I was left with no friends within 1000 kilometres of me for 4 months (GoBills)
39. My PSP is turning off by itself for some reason. And when I turn it on again, it asks me to set the date and time. It may be old and outdated, but I still enjoy playing it. I have this compilation game called EA Replay, consisting of 14 past games from Electronic Arts. It’s fun to play, but the levels are difficult and I have to enter passwords to get ahead. Wish it didn’t have to happen that way. (Anonymous)
40. My family continues to celebrate Christmas, even though we’re not religious, we see each other all the time, the kids are grown and they don’t believe in Santa Claus. I’m getting over cancer treatment that ended in July, and I lost my job in May because my bosses wife died from cancer. There’s no reason to celebrate Christmas!!! It’s Festivus for the rest of us!!! (JT)
41. My friend is in charge of a group that meets Monday afternoons at church. I suggested that we hold a Festivus party. Unfortunately, he said no. He said maybe we could do it somewhere else. Thing is that his fiancée is pregnant and the baby is expected to be born on the 6th of January, but could come beforehand. Maybe I could have my own. In all seriousness, I will say congratulations once the baby’s born. (Anonymous)

Friends and Family Flames

42. Last year Aunt Patty regifted the spatula set I bought for her. See if she gets the ginsu kinives I have for her this year. (Anonymous)
43. Whenever me and my friend go out to dinner, he gives me a list of options as for where we could go. Yet, it always has to be me that decides. Indecision is a big problem I have. I hate having several options and the ball being in my court, metaphorically speaking. (H.E. Penny Packer)
44. Just because I don’t want to be in a relationship with you doesn’t mean that I’m gay, just that I don’t want to be with you. (Agnetha Marrin)
45. My mother-in-law puts raisins in her potato salad. It looks bad and tastes wrong. (Gord)

Seinfeld Sideswipes

46. You know how to *take* the reservation, you just don’t know how to *hold* the reservation. And that’s really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them. (Jerry)
47. How do we know the dog food is any good? Who tastes it? (Elaine)
48. War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! (Anonymous)
49. These pretzels are making me thirsty. (Kramer)
50. My local station switched the Seinfeld reruns to late at night, or at random times on the weekend. Not a fan of that. (Anonymous)
51. My kids do not like to watch Seinfeld. I punish them by not changing the channel. What is wrong with these kids? (Disappointed Father)

Political Potshots

52. How can you lower gas prices when you’re planning to put a tariff on imports? I’m no genius but I know gas prices will go up and not down. (Stew)
53. When you vote in any election, there should be a period of time where you can change your mind. Like Amazon, where you can return the item if you don’t like it. (Good idea guy)
54. I believe there should be ranked choice voting. (Anonymous)
55. I live in a first past the post country and because of the voting system election results are always skewed. (Anonymous)
56. Why aren’t there user reviews of the candidates from past constituents, associates, neighbors, family members, victims, etc. (Cousin Jeffrey again)
57. If anyone wants to talk about politics at my family gatherings I might take a drumstick and shove it where the sun don’t shine. (Jer)
58. Why is everyone so dumb these days? If hawk tuah girl ran for president she would get a zillion votes. Why is that? (Anonymous)
59. People who take politics too seriously. They spend all day online arguing about politicians who could couldn’t give two craps about them. What a waste of energy. Live life, enjoy your friends and family, smile. Life is great without the BS. (Tremaine)

Competing Carps

60. My sister in law’s house is too tidy. (Anonymous)
61. My sister in law’s house is a sty. (Anonymous)
62. Nobody is as good as Alex Trebek was on Jeopardy. (Chiffon)
63. I agree with you there, but Ken Jennings isn’t too bad if you ask me. (Anonymous)
64. If anything, at least Ken Jennings hasn’t ruined Jeopardy like Drew Carey ruined the Price is Right! As for Ryan Seacrest becoming host of Wheel of Fortune, I’m giving him a chance, but I don’t think he’s doing as good a job as Pat Sajak did. (Anonymous)

Consumer Call Downs

65. Big grievance on shrinkflation. They don’t raise the price of a product, they just make the package slightly smaller. They think we won’t notice. We notice. (Biff)
66. A McDonalds Big Mac is now the size of a White Castle slider. There is nothing big about it. Rename it Mac. (Anonymous)
67. Food manufacturers who shrink the size of their products in order to keep the prices the same as they were last year. Everything is shrinking, but they don’t tell you that, and the only reason I know is because I check the weights of things. If this keeps up, they’ll eventually sell a single atom of something but proudly announce that they haven’t increased the price. This irks me. (Fiona)
68. Christmas shopping at the mall is the worst. Shop online if you really have to do it. (J.P.K.)
69. Grocery prices went up and they stayed up. (Kristy)
70. Why do I need a new smartphone every year? Why do they make me feel a new phone is necessary? I hate these people. (Tabitha S)
71. My grievance is inflation. Everything went up in price but my wages stayed about the same. If that’s not a grievance I don’t know what is. (Anonymous)
72. Ads that go something like this: 26.32 COOLEST GIFTS FOR SENIORS 2024 (Picture of a 35 year old man) Or Temu ads featuring a pillow with Dwane Johnson’s face stretched across it. These are getting ridiculous, and to think that someone was paid to create them is insane. (Bagel Gum)

Regular Rants

73. That one pistachio you bite into that is rotten. (KD)
74. He’s such a cute dog, but he’s a poop machine. Science needs to work on a dog that doesn’t poop. (Jen F.)
75. Seriously what’s the point of decaf coffee? (Jo)
76. My vacuum cleaner sucks because it does not suck. (Anonymous)
77. The mall sucks. Can’t park anywhere, people are rude, stuff is expensive. There has to be a better way. (Frankie)
78. Why do I buy bananas the moment I bring them home they’re already rotten. (R)

Yada Yada Yada

79. When you help your best friend of over 50 years out of a terrible and toxic relationship with his baby-mama, he show’s you “REAL LOVE” and you start a romantic relationship with him and fall in Love and during this blissful time I showed him how he should be loved, the baby-mama makes false allegations for Domestic Violence and HE gets arrested and charged…. AGAIN, while she continues to live in his house, sleep in his bed, have him support their young son, he works close to 60 hours week/6 days a week and you find patience for a very, very long time being the most supportive friend and lover he’s ever seen….. and HE WON’T MAKE HER LEAVE BECAUSE SHE WON’T HAVE ANYWHERE TO GO AND THAT AFFECTS HIS SON. Having her in his house keeps an eye on his son and his 2ell being or lack there of. An impossible situation that’s never going to end the way I want it to. I’ll never truly have just him, everyone is a package. Back to being the supportive friend and always there for him. “FRIENDS FIRST” Is our motto. (Creampuff)
80. My older brother never calls me. I have to always initiate the call. He always has the perfect excuse of why he doesn’t. Always too busy. Working on something or babysitting his son’s wiener dog name Diesel. How and why would a person name their dog ” Diesel” that’s a Petroleum product. That would be a better name which would cover most all the products of that category. Call the canine “Petro” for short. Gas short for gasoline. Penz or Quaker short for the oil products. However back to my brother. He’s eighty soon to be Biden’s age. Ever since he switched parties he has become, let’s say more distant in the communication column. We as brothers are a generation apart but, are still within the Baby Boomer gen. Him being the OBB (older baby boomer) and me the YBB (younger baby boomer). You would think in today’s society and electronics age with cell phones and new technology he could at least text me. His excuse was he lives in Tennessee, he’s not a Texan ! Now he lives back in Illinois soooooo what’s your excuse now? I rest my case. Any way I am just getting ready and excited to celebrate Festivus Day which is officially December 23 and if by chance you don’t know of the holiday just watch Seinfield. The Strike episode. In closing this is my Airing of Grievance letter to my favorite brother (which is my only one) Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, My Birthday same as Martin Luther King’s and all the other holidays in year . May God bless you and yours. God Bless America, May God Bless the World. May We have Peace on Earth. Hey Brother call me. Happy Festivus Day again. (Bust Out Billy he’s in the house. He’s in the house!)
81. I waited for the 300 at Brossard terminal. It was supposed to be at 5:30, but it only came 15 to 20 minutes later. I hate when busses are late and they don’t explain why. It’s because I was with this friend. Actually, I wouldn’t say he’s a friend. He’s a bit of an annoyance. He’s like one of these people who take advantage of the generosity of others but acts like he’s the needy one. I gave him my number and he texted me, but I blocked him. Several years ago, I gave him my number and during the summertime, I got like 20 calls and texts from his number. It was his brother’s girlfriend who kept calling and texting. I told her I was not her boyfriend, but she kept calling and texting, EVEN AT 2 AM! I was this close to calling the police on her, but thankfully, she stopped. What sucks is that the phone I had at the time didn’t have a call block feature. Now with the phone I have, that’s no longer a problem. But this guy is a huge pain in the ass. He has caused problems for me in the past. I’m not going to go into detail about it and I won’t use his name because I want to keep him anonymous. Anyway, that’s my grievance for the day. (Anonymous)
82. I’m tired of all the idiots. There are idiots everywhere. They are inescapable. Work, the grocery store, TV, EVERYWHERE. THEY EVEN HAUNT MY DREAMS. You’d think the Jerk Store would have run out of idiots by now, but no, they just keep coming. I want one day without idiots, or where I’m allowed to tell idiots that they are idiots. As Festivus is as close as I can get, here we go. To my coworkers who I cannot name, most of you are idiots who are grossly incompetent at what you do and shouldn’t be allowed outside of a mental institution. To my boss, the fact that you care so little and are so idiotic is the only way that I can comprehend how you have hired such stupid people. Please finally retire so that the idiots above you can find a less destructive idiot to fill your place. To my family, you people are idiots and suck. To my (few) friends, you are alright, but man do you sometimes do stupid things. And, especially to my customers, you lot are the most dumb of them all. The fact that you just shovel whatever is put in front of you into your brain is offensive to the rest of mankind. Go read a book or at least try to learn a new word every once in a while rather than sitting on your couch munching on frozen corn dogs covered in ketchup watching other idiots on television. The idiot-a-facation of society is embarrassing to humans as a species and we need to be able to do better. AND THE FACT THAT SO MANY IDIOTS DON’T KNOW THEY ARE IDIOTS IS THE MOST OFFENSIVE PART OF IT ALL. WHY ARE WE TOLERATING THIS AS HUMANS? I lost my train of thought. (Kramer)

People Suck!

83. Why do none of my friends watch Seinfeld? Why do I have to go all the way down to settings to change my font color in e-mail? And why do people keep attacking Taylor Swift? Even if she’s a rich white girl, she’s still a decent person. (second post)
84. People who overuse the word literally. (Anonymous)
85. Why do people buy dogs from breeders when there are hundreds of perfectly good pooches in rescues looking for a home? This does not make sense. (Dog lover)
86. When pro-surrogacy people act like you’re stealing their chance at parenthood by calling for an international ban on the practice when there is always the opportunity of adoption. #AdoptDontShop (Steliana)
87. People that smoke weed in public bathrooms. Great now it smells like ASS and WEED. (A Payne)
88. Stop wishing me happy holidays! I work on all of those days so they aren’t holidays for me. I don’t celebrate Christmas because I’m home alone during that time, working from home. I don’t wanna hear about it. There is no Christmas for me. (Anonymous)

Everything Sucks!

89. Also, it really chafes me having to scroll way down to select United States of America in pull down lists. Can we change the name of the country to “Aaamerica”? (Still cousin Jeffrey)
90. Can somebody do something about this gravity thing? It’s a real pain in the butt to have to bend over and pick things up when I drop them. (Cousin Jeffrey)
91. Twitter renaming itself to X is and always be one of the dumbest moves and we’re suppose to think Elon is a genius? There is no evidence of this. (Nope)
92. The dog across the street barks all night long. Don’t the owners hear it? They must be deaf, because I hear all of it. (Anonymous)

Really Burns my Biscuits

93. kids these days! with all their “skippy dee” and “brain rot”, what happened to drinking from the hose? playing tag? saying “rad”? i just want to grill! (KirbyDarkDawn)
94. My grievance is about all organized religion. Your mythology is cute, but it’s time to realize it doesn’t make you any better than the rest of us. (QT)
95. The ven diagram of people who hate immigrants and people who get rich using immigrant labor is a perfect circle. How dumb is that? (Anonymous)
96. Grinches that wrap up Brussels sprouts in foil so kids think they are chocolate treats. Evil! (Trisha)
97. When companies claim to be equal opportunities but want you to fill in a form to disclose information such as your marital status and sexual orientation. To add insult to injury there isn’t even a ‘None of your dang business you nosy eejit’ option. (Anonymous)
98. There’s no reason for men to not shave their beards, or face pubes as I call them. The same goes for moustaches. They even make the most attractive men look like predators. (Gillian Crosby-Barca)
99. Surrogacy is modern day slavery and should be eradicated, and I say this as a childless woman who has wanted children for years for it is better to not have children than to commodify children and their birth mothers. (Bonnie Payne)

In conclusion…

100. Just gonna move along this year and save it up for the big stuff! (Queen)
101. I’M ANGRY !!! (Anonymous)